Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. Anais Nin
Today, my husband and I celebrate fourteen years of marriage. We are just in love now as we were those many years ago, even if we do have problems. With so many relationships failing (much of my family's have fallen apart), I'm going to write what I think is important to keep a relationship alive.
Love is just like any other part of our life. We can't skip work all the time and expect to keep our job. We can't not exercise and expect to stay fit. We can't abandon our friendships and expect to stay friends. Why should marriages be any different? Yet so many people treat them as if they are different. As if they're supposed to last without any work. So many people don't put the work involved to keep a marriage alive, yet after a divorce you have to work even harder. It doesn't make sense.
Why do people fall out of love with the person they once cherished? Why do they feel the grass is greener elsewhere? Those cute habits become annoying, those moments become something you have to do.
Personally, I think it's because they let it. They stop trying. They feel unloved themselves because maybe their spouse isn't putting even 100%, much less 50%. Here are just few tips that I feel will help:
1. RESPECT. Without respect, you can't stay in love. Or at least you won't feel like you're in love half the time. What did you once respect about your spouse? Can you find it again? Also, you have to be respectful. Bringing up a fault of your spouse in front of people is disrespectful. Arguing with him in front of others is disrespectful. You don't have to make it everyone else's business. Argue in private. You don't always have to be right.
2. TRUST. You can only trust by being truthful, yet sometimes it doesn't matter how truthful you are if others aren't. Even little white lies are hurtful. Honesty with yourself and others is always the best policy.
3. FUN. Have fun. Be silly. Laugh and play. You don't have a act like a grown up all the time. Laugh at your spouse's jokes even if they aren't funny. Eventually, you'll probably find them funny. Show your spouse you still find him/her charming.
4. TIME. Spend quality time together, but also allow your spouse his/her time. My husband has his hobbies and I have mine, and we both respect each others. We also have hobbies we enjoy together. He'll do things for me he doesn't necessarily want to do because he loves me, and vice versa. This is also respect.
5. TALK. Tell him/her how much you appreciate him. Tell him/her when you are proud. Praise him/her in front of others (though not all the time, that gets old, too).
6. CHERISH your partner.
7. CHANGE. Don't expect your partner to change. You be the one to make the changes. Most of the time, he/she will follow and be willing to make changes in order for things to work out.
8. SURPRISE each other! Your man likes them just as much as you do!
And here are a couple of things NOT to do:
9. DON'T EXPECT. High expectations will always disappoint. Your partner can't read your mind. You have to tell him without throwing out accusations.
10. DON'T TAKE without giving and don't take each other for granted.
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. "Love is the beauty of the soul."--St. Augustine
Being in love is wonderful. You can be together forever and still have that "in love" feeling. Happy Anniversary, honey!!!
Showing posts with label what not to do. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what not to do. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sunday, June 01, 2008
No Country for Old Men
Okay, so my blogging hiatus has taken a hiatus and I'm skipping over my tentative blogging schedule (which I haven't stuck to) to do an early movie review.
After a hard weekend of working, my hubby and I cooked dinner and sat down to relax and watch NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. I didn't expect to like this movie, but I was quickly enthralled. Twenty or so minutes before the movie ended, that enthrallment turned to disgust, anger and disappointment.
If you haven't seen the movie but want to, please stop reading. This is a spoiler.
The writers got lazy or something. Here's a tip on what not to do when writing. Don't make almost the entire movie about one particular person and the events of his life. Everything is okay and then the sheriff comes on scene and the guy is dead. DEAD! We don't see his POV, we don't see what happened. Suddenly, he's dead. Later, the same thing happens to his wife. We're pretty sure it's going to happen and she's going go die. At least we see her POV for a brief moment. Then, the killer is walking out the door, which leads us to believe she is dead.
It cuts to the sheriff. Now I'm already zoning out at this time. I'm already pretty upset. How many authors pour blood sweat and tears into their manuscripts and do everything they should do, yet still get rejected? And this movie won Oscars!!!! They skipped the most important events and just made us piece it together ourselves. Unbelievable!
Some writers think that not tidying up their story at the end will make it special. It doesn't. It makes it disappointing!!!!!
They could have done so much more with this movie. It had such potential. Yes, it was about the sheriff and the villain, but it was also about the character who found the money...Llewelyn. It's like the writers, directors and producers (the highly acclaimed Coen brothers!) thought we--the viewers--weren't important enough that we would care what happened to Llewelyn. I expected him to die. Yes, I like happy endings and get upset when it's not a happy ending, but I don't expect happy endings in the movies I watch (especially now, because it seems like there are less happy endings in movies these days). This movie made me feel cheated because it skipped over the most important events. All of a sudden, the character we have grown close to is dead. We walk up upon him and he is dead. We have been involved in his life but weren't involved in this part. It's like the writers didn't know what to do. So hey, let's kill him, show the guys getting away in a pickup truck, and then the sheriff pulls up and finds him dead.
Sigh.
If you want to know how best to make a viewer (or reader) feel cheated, watch NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN.
After a hard weekend of working, my hubby and I cooked dinner and sat down to relax and watch NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. I didn't expect to like this movie, but I was quickly enthralled. Twenty or so minutes before the movie ended, that enthrallment turned to disgust, anger and disappointment.
If you haven't seen the movie but want to, please stop reading. This is a spoiler.
The writers got lazy or something. Here's a tip on what not to do when writing. Don't make almost the entire movie about one particular person and the events of his life. Everything is okay and then the sheriff comes on scene and the guy is dead. DEAD! We don't see his POV, we don't see what happened. Suddenly, he's dead. Later, the same thing happens to his wife. We're pretty sure it's going to happen and she's going go die. At least we see her POV for a brief moment. Then, the killer is walking out the door, which leads us to believe she is dead.
It cuts to the sheriff. Now I'm already zoning out at this time. I'm already pretty upset. How many authors pour blood sweat and tears into their manuscripts and do everything they should do, yet still get rejected? And this movie won Oscars!!!! They skipped the most important events and just made us piece it together ourselves. Unbelievable!
Some writers think that not tidying up their story at the end will make it special. It doesn't. It makes it disappointing!!!!!
They could have done so much more with this movie. It had such potential. Yes, it was about the sheriff and the villain, but it was also about the character who found the money...Llewelyn. It's like the writers, directors and producers (the highly acclaimed Coen brothers!) thought we--the viewers--weren't important enough that we would care what happened to Llewelyn. I expected him to die. Yes, I like happy endings and get upset when it's not a happy ending, but I don't expect happy endings in the movies I watch (especially now, because it seems like there are less happy endings in movies these days). This movie made me feel cheated because it skipped over the most important events. All of a sudden, the character we have grown close to is dead. We walk up upon him and he is dead. We have been involved in his life but weren't involved in this part. It's like the writers didn't know what to do. So hey, let's kill him, show the guys getting away in a pickup truck, and then the sheriff pulls up and finds him dead.
Sigh.
If you want to know how best to make a viewer (or reader) feel cheated, watch NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Revision Hell
Yep, that's what I'm in right now. It's hell because let's face it, when you've read the same story a dozen times, you get to the point where you just don't want to do it again. You overlook things. Deep inside, I know there are things I need to change, but it takes my wonderful critique partners to finally convince me.
Take the setting. I love how authors make the setting like a character and certain authors do it very well. However, just because I love to write it doesn't mean a reader is going to love to read it.
I thought writing was supposed to get easier, not harder. It's so hard because I want to be writing, but I have to go to work, so all I can think about when I'm at work is how much I would like to be home writing and when I get home to write, I'm so tired. Finding a happy balance is so difficult, especially when you're close to the end of the story but you have to start over.
My critique partner--thanks Miranda!--likened my story to this:
"It's kinda set up like a chick on a treadmill right now. Lots of action--introspective thinking--why am I fat?. Then--holy s***, someone put a chocolate cake a few feet from the fat girl."
ROFL.
She's not being cruel, she's being honest, and I'm grateful for that. I know she's right, and now I have to fix it.
Cause and Effect. Cause and Effect. Cause and Effect. That mantra keeps going over and over in my mind.
I've done everything in this story that you shouldn't do: too much description, too many characters, too many subplots and everything is explained in the last chapter. It's like I had to write something so horrible before I could make it good. Why oh why didn't I listen to my instincts in the first place?
Take the setting. I love how authors make the setting like a character and certain authors do it very well. However, just because I love to write it doesn't mean a reader is going to love to read it.
I thought writing was supposed to get easier, not harder. It's so hard because I want to be writing, but I have to go to work, so all I can think about when I'm at work is how much I would like to be home writing and when I get home to write, I'm so tired. Finding a happy balance is so difficult, especially when you're close to the end of the story but you have to start over.
My critique partner--thanks Miranda!--likened my story to this:
"It's kinda set up like a chick on a treadmill right now. Lots of action--introspective thinking--why am I fat?. Then--holy s***, someone put a chocolate cake a few feet from the fat girl."
ROFL.
She's not being cruel, she's being honest, and I'm grateful for that. I know she's right, and now I have to fix it.
Cause and Effect. Cause and Effect. Cause and Effect. That mantra keeps going over and over in my mind.
I've done everything in this story that you shouldn't do: too much description, too many characters, too many subplots and everything is explained in the last chapter. It's like I had to write something so horrible before I could make it good. Why oh why didn't I listen to my instincts in the first place?
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